My Day..The day Dad passed away

Well it has been a while since I blogged. Probably because I talk a lot during the day at my work and I really get tired of my own voice. Not sure many of the rest of you are interested in hearing it either.. Today is a little different. I can't sum today's thoughts in the 140 characters of a facebook post or Twitter feed. Today was different. To be perfectly honest .. It stunk. Yesterday I accomplished a lot and felt like God was doing amazing things. Today not so much..

When your phone rings at 4:30am it is never a good thing. Nobody calls you to tell you that you have won the lottery at 4:30am. They do things like that during normal hours, if they ever bother to call at all. The ring seemed distant. Oh yeah the phone by my bed isn't working. Maybe it's a dream. No.. That is a phone...Stumble..Stumble.. Stumble through the house. Ringing stopped before I got there..Crap!! Buzz...Buzz..There goes the cell. Yep this has got to be bad news. Caller ID. My Big Brother..Oh man.. His weak voice told me we lost dad. Three simple words that shattered through my sleepiness.
My father was 82 years old on Nov 17th. Some minor health issues but solid as a rock. He worked out on a treadmill 15 minutes a day. Rode a stationary bike 15 minutes a day and had the most incredible garden I have ever seen. Heavier than he wanted to be as long as I can remember but happy. I am not an idiot. I know 82 is a good age to aspire to but when it is your dad it is still too early. Over the last few years, our conversations had centered way too much around, "When I am gone" But for me but he was the ultimate planner and worrier so I understood. Everything in a file. Everyone who we need to contact. Where all the info mom shouldn't have to worry about. Great job dad.. It made our lives easier. I knew this day would come sometime. To be honest, I actually thought the other day, this might be our last Christmas together.. .Little did I know..
Okay.. 4:45am.. What do I do? First things first, I needed to share it with my wife. The rampage through the house looking for the phone had woken her up. The soft glow of the iphone lit her face in our bedroom. Not sure how I even worded it. "That was David, we lost Dad." The shock overwhelmed us both. How to plan, how to handle things...Work, Christmas and Amy's ninth birthday party.. So much to think about and no one to talk to.. I think I texted 20 people before 6 am..The hand on the clock moved slow from 5am-6:30am. My first call came from Austin Stearns. My guess is he was awake because he had not been asleep. We talked emotions.. We talked business. FBCA will have worship over the next few days and it needs to be covered. Even though he was scheduled to leave town at 12n, he was going to do whatever it took to help. He agreed to come get my keys at 7:30am Next call was from JoKyle.. He too offered to do whatever it took. Plans are starting to come together. Phone calls to my brother and sister and the plan starts to develop. Get the girls off to school and hit the road to Enid.
Biggest discussion was when to tell the girls. I know we live 5 hours away but their PaPa was special. By 6:30 they were both starting to move around. Amy was scheduled to be at school by 7:15 for a STUCO event so I needed to have the discussion now. As I expected, they both took it hard. We discussed remembering the happy times and that we as Christians do not grieve as the world grieves but with the hope found in Jesus Christ. Hope.. The topic of Dr. Wiles sermons in December. Tried to stay strong for the family. Need to finalize plans. Phone calls from Barry and Emily helped cement plans. All essential Pre-planning is done for next two Sundays and Christmas Eve... (Ahh..That is why God gave me the gumption to get things done.)
At 7:15am I took Amy to school. She tried to help but could not stop the tears so we headed back home. As we talked about how to get through the day, we all discussed the good times with Papa... My father loved games. Primarily card games but any games. Most recently 7's. In honor of Dad, we played a game on our coffee table at 7:45 in the morning. Turned out the deck was missing two cards but that only added to the laughter. PaPa would have been so mad..At 8:15 it was time to head back to school. While it took the clock forever to mover from 4:30am-6:30am. It seemed to fly now. I walked Amy all the way to her class and reminded her teacher it is the day before her birthday and her Papa passed away. Tough way to start your 9th year.
Back home time for the necessities.. Eat, shower, shave. Oh no..Natalie is now going to be late for school. I rushed her to school while Emily packed my bags.. Clothes, underwear and a funeral clothes.. Merry Christmas.. You needed new pants and shoes..Take them now..Ouch...I planned to be on the road by 9a.. Not gonna make it. Pack the bags...Pack the gifts.. Oh yeah it is Christmas... Crap!
Since Emily is coming tomorrow, I needed to take the van today.. You know.. The van on its third transmission in 109,000 miles. You know the van with no heater. You know the van the never gets regular maintenance since I only drive it to and from work.. Oh yeah this transmission slips too...I check the fluids when I fill up with gas.. Yep.. It is way low on oil... Two bottles of oil and two cans of Amp energy drink. Back at the car, I open the first bottle and pour it in the oil compartment. Still needs more, I opened the second bottle and begin to pour.. That is when I noticed the first bottle was not oil but Transmission fluid.. Did I mention..CRAP!!!
I quick call to the best mechanic I know.. Vince. As I drive toward Enid. He researches it. I should be okay.. If warning lights come on..Pull over" Did I mention the dashboard of my car is lite up like a Christmas tree.. Low time..Check Engine, Seat Belt.. (I can stop that one) O/D blinking.. (Probably transmission) Yeah.. I will keep an eye on that and listen for strange engine noises. I need to go forward and not back.. Traffic in Ft. Worth is awful.. Even in Holiday mode.. Must plow through.. No radio because I need to hear the engine.. TingÉWhat was that? Keep driving..
Word has begun to circulate. The FBCALL Email started the chain. My phone was buzzing and people were posting.. I tried to read but not respond. 70 MPH on the interstate is no place to text and email. A few phone calls along the way to shore up plans for FBCA. A phone call from the Neighbors who agreed to help Emily with Amy's Party.. What a blessing...I love the Neighbors!!!

Another phone call with an old friend who first shared his grief and then shared his expert car advice. Should be fine but add more oil ASAPÉ Stop at midway point for oil and lunchÉToo long.. Must get back on roadÉ Did I hear somethingÉ Keep moving forward.. ÒOkay God, if I messed up car, I will shoot it when I get to Enid. Please just let me get to Enid.Ó I-35 never seemed so long. Past OKC, Past other places.. Finally I-35 exit to Enid. Only 30 more minutes.. After 2pm and we need to get to Funeral home. A quick call to my brother confirmed we were thinking the same thing. Christmas Eve is too quick. Funeral should be on December 26th. Papa would not want Christmas family time sacrificed for himÉ Okay OK Troopers, please give me a little grace I am tired of being away.. Pulled into drive at 2:30. Hug everyone. Help find clothes for Dad and off to funeral home.
I will admit I am not a big fan of funeral homes. When I helped coordinate my old college roommate's funeral a few years back I got tired of them. Because of my job, I know a lot about the mechanics of a funeral. Different when you are on this side of the table. Funeral Director was great. He took good care of us.. Money will be worked out later. Take care of Mom now.. I like this guy. Got to pick out casket. Something for my brother and I to do..Mom and sis need to sit..No.. No...Maybe..Okay that will do.. No Cadillac but we both agree. This is for us not Dad.. He is in a better place. Obit sketched out.. How do you sum up 82 years in 100 words... Yep.. That covers it..
Back at the house, Enid friends and family begin arriving with food. Oh yeah..we should keep track of who brought what.. Funeral Home has a form for that.. Cool... That is when Mom's memory loss starts to kick in.. Do we need to contact so and so.. Did that. Do we need to take clothes to funeral home.. Did that.. When will we see him.. in the morning...She goes from crying to cycling through the questions again. It just doesn't seem real. Your best friend of 52 years is gone.. Probably should not feel real in less than 24 hours. Got her to finally eat and then the topic of sleep comes up. David looks exhausted. Sheri looks too tired to stand. Mom is not ready for bed. It is only 8pm.. Mom, you have been up since 3am.. Really I have? Why? Nevermind.. I love you....
I am getting updates from Amy's party. My wife is amazing, My daughters are wonderful and the Neighbors are awesome ministers to my family. I miss being there but I know they got this...
Now everyone is in bed. I am pouring out my day into this note.. Not sure why. Probably way too honest. Probably will make someone mad. Need to do it.. Make no mistake, I firmly believe in Heaven and GodÕs promise to us. I miss my dad a lot. Like I told the girls, as Christians we grieve not as the word grieves but with the Hope of Heaven found in Jesus Christ. Last week Dr. Wiles preached about how early Christians would not put crosses on their grave makers because Christianity was illegal. They would use an anchor. Anchored to Christ. I like that a lot. I felt His presence a lot today. I know today was only a start on the journey. A lot to get done over the next few days. A lot of decisions to make, crying to do and hands to hold. Not really looking forward to it. A journey we must all walk. I take comfort in your prayers. I really take comfort in my dad's smile. I love him a lot. The tears still come. Earl Barnard was not a saint. He was a husband, a dad, a provider, a friend... Mainly he was a Christian. I went and looked at his baptism picture a few minutes a go. A small country church baptizing a group in a stream. He and his sister together. A long time ago... A lifetime ago..but that decision changes how I grieve today. Thanks....Thanks for listening. Thanks for praying. And Thanks for walking through this journey with me. Good night..

Great fathers day

It has been a pretty busy few months. Today was about spending time with the family. Enjoyed chilling with the kids. Tired from a 4:30am wakeup call but enjoyed today. Need to shave.



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The Cutting Phenomena

One of the most interesting thing to me in today's society is the cutting phenomena. If you have not heard of it, it is a trend where people are randomly cutting themselves. Slicing arms, legs etc... Like drugs, people become addicted to it. They have to do it more and more. To people who are not near it, it sounds ridiculous.

I am a logical person. I also make the assumption that everyone else is logical. If you don't understand why someone does something, it is probably because you don't understand their logic. Remember, your logic/chain of thought may not be the same as theirs but I guarantee that they have one. Very few people in our world do things that are completely random and "Non-logical".

So why do these people say they cut themselves. From what I have read/seen it involves feeling "something". The pain/adrenaline rush they feel is stronger than anything else in their life. They feel a rush. Unfortunately, as any addict will tell you, each time you get a rush, the next time it will take more to get the same rush. It is a slippery path that goes nowhere good.

Why do these folks need to cut to feel? Our lives are so full of emotion and drama. TV and media have shown us everything. We can visualize anything and we have experienced things no one should ever experience. Rarely did our ancestors see a dead body. If they did, it was typically a family member/relative that we were directly related to. Now we see dead bodies on a daily basis whether real ones on the news or imagined ones in film/entertainment television. Socialogists/Psychologists have argued for years whether we can seperate those images from our reality. If you visualize it, it is reality. With all this drama/shocking in their daily lives, these people have become numb... Nothing shocks them. NOTHING SURPRISES THEM. Do you get that... Nothing. What are you shocked by/surprised by?

We drink energy drinks, we watch things that surprise us, we have seen more in one day than many people see in a lifetime.

The second thing in play is the advertising/media telling us that everything is about us. We deserve anything we want whether we can afford it or not. Good is relative. If it makes you happy do it. Anything can be done safely. Jump from planes, ride bikes crazily. Do what ever you want? When has that ever been healthy for a society. Individuals looking out for themselves denigrates to no one looking after anyone. The Bible is strong in humbling your self and looking after other. The first will be the last and the last will be the first... It ain't about you!!! and it aint about how you feel..

Daryl

Interesting Day

Okay.. Today did not start out like I planned. I got up early to be on-time for Bible Study/Prayer time with Eddie and Dennis. I have gotten in the bad habit of being 5-10 minutes late. I need to be respectful of this time and commitment of others. Unfortunately, as I drove down the street the transmission on my van slipped. I could not go faster that 5 mph. When it tried to change gears, the car would not move. This is the van that I replaced the transmission on almost 2 years ago. (Warranty Expired!)

I went home and made breakfast for the family.Pancakes and bacon solve everything. It was a good time with family. Our mornings are not always James Dobson moments. God blessed us with one daughter who is a morning person and one who is more like me... Get up at last minute and go.

Decision time on car...Do I need to try to diagnose more specifically the problem? Band-aid.-Borrow inlaws truck and drive it.. Fix-I have no idea...

Blogging Again..

Okay.. My third attempt to start blogging. I admit I have had a hard time getting used to writing. In many ways I feel like all I do is talk so writing does not have much appeal to me.. I am working on it...
We have been working hard to provide an online streaming solution. We started with UStream. It was pretty good but we had trouble with the firewire connection. It would not reliably connect. We tried Justin.TV and faithstream but finally landed on livestream.com. What I like best about livestream is the variety of ways it connects. In our Mac department, we use Quicktime Broadcaster. In our youth building we use Flash Media Encoder. We can use line commands to take control. For manual control we log into livestream.com/studio. There we can manage the VOD files or monitor chat.

We have put a direct portal in our website at http://www.fbca.org/live. I have asked as many folks as possible to hit it so we can see how it handles the traffic. I asked our web service provider if the traffic to the portal counted against our band width. They assured me that it did not. Next I examined the analytics on the Livestream website to guesstimate the costs of eliminating the ads on our streams. The base cost of $350 will help but from the usage policy I see we could be charged extra as our viewership will go up.

The next phase will be to use the analytics with othersites like Justin.tv to estimate costs from them...

Game Night

It's Wii Game night.


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What is God doing in your life..

I have been convicted...not of a crime...but by God. I can talk a lot but I don't seem to share much about what God is doing/has done in my life. In case you didn't know, I am a follower of Jesus Christ. Probably not a shock to most of you.

My goal is to tell you about what God is teaching me. It will make me more accountable for my bible studies. If you did not post for a while, please see me an email and see what's up. Also feel free to post what got is doing in your life...

Thanks

Daryl